she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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