I just cut my nipple shaving
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
