Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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