Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Randomize
