i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
