Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
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