Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
