this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
