I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he told me he wanted to get "words" tattooed on his penis so he could say hes always putting words in my mouth..
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
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