I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
