It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
I think I sprained my soul last night
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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