If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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