also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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