I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
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