How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Randomize
