I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
