I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
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