i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Randomize
