I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Dramatic love triangle! I guess mystery Asian and I will just have to fight it out for your love.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
