Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
