I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Randomize
