im about as happy as oj after his trial
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I seriously doubt this is the first time pumpkin pie has led to a booty call.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
