are you so shy because you have an std?
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
