So pretty much, I was trying to piece last night together and remembered a point where I was pointing to you heart then touching your face. I'm not sure that I ever translated that to "I like your personality better than your looks" but that's what I meant
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
