New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
