Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
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