She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I just dropped $300 on lingerie. He better rip this off with his teeth.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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