You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so wait, they're fucking, but it doesn't count as cheating cause they only do anal?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
