Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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