Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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