i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
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