remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
Randomize
