I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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