the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
