the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
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