moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I don't know, But i remember him licking ecstasy off my boobs and my boyfriend cheering him on
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
