if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
Randomize
