Where did you get a picture of my penis
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
Randomize
