Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
