I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
