just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Randomize
