Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
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