do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
Randomize
