So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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