Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
I hope mine doesn't look like that
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
