Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
Randomize
