I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
