so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I should come with a warning like "do not feed me tequila or cocaine, I will ruin the party and cry"
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
