Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
I WISH WE COULD PLAY THE DRINKING GAME TOGETHER AND THEN BANG FOR AMERICA.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
Randomize
