It's like God shit irony all over that family
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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