No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
