I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize
