oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
you would pick up someone in the library
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Someone jacked my earrings off me or I threw em in the toilet again
I hate when that happens
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
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