I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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