READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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