I feel like I'm in dance class right now
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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