Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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