i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
High water is the most godliest tasting water in the world.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize