you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Randomize
