So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
I can feel your judgement through the phone
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
