Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize