Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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