I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
