But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
BRING THE BAGELS
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
