i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
You're like the curious george of whores
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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