I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
So it's ironically funny that my psychiatrist's office and my cocaine dealer's house are on the same street
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
